Most of the nastiest fights take place not on battlefields or war zones, but within a bedroom. Fights, which are mainly words, and I’m not going to talk about fist fights or slaps or blows because perpetrators of those methods need to be shamed in public and have no place in this column.
These are about those whose weapons are words?
Centuries ago, a wife who dared speak against her husband found herself under the hangman’s noose. “But I was only telling you your horse was lame!” she cries as the rope is adjusted round her neck. “You should have whispered in my ear my dear, and not allowed the horse to hear!” thunders her husband as he signals the hangman to go ahead.
Times have changed, and rules are needed to see petty marital skirmishes and serious ones too are fought fair. Here are the first set of rules that could help:
Rule One: Never speak about some weakness of your spouse, anything, which she or he confided in you, in your intimate moments. “Ho! Ho! Ho!” laughs the wife in a fight, “You did tell me you drank from a feeding bottle till you were fifteen, that explains your love for booze!”
Beware, the hangman’s noose beckons if you say such a thing!
“I’ll tell your friends you snore worse than a bullhorn!” sniggers hubby, and it’s just a matter of days before he finds himself beheaded in front of his friends!
“He can’t hold his drinks, nor can he hold anything up!” quips the wife in retaliation and there are shockwaves in the room and sniggers from his buddies.
That’s terrorism at work, and the only thing left when husbands and wives fight like this is to part ways, or go to a counsellor, who teaches them to fight fair.
There was once a time when every game the Romans and Greeks witnessed in their mighty stadiums was a ‘fight until death’ till those people realized they were losing good wrestlers, gladiators and players in every fight, and games were becoming a tad boring because, ‘ahem, last month’s victor died in last week’s fight’ and ‘ahem’ again, the best players were dead. So, rules were created.
Why would rules help in a marriage? It’s simple: You have a good marriage; two people in love, then one massive fight in which unforgivable things are said, because love took a backseat and anger reigned, and the marriage is on the rocks.
So, bring a set of rules. There are many, but I’d like to bring in just two more than already mentioned: Fight to resolve: Focus on finding a resolution, not winning an argument.
Eliminate name calling: Name calling is disrespectful and unproductive.
Go ahead, and ‘let the games begin’..!
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