With three distasteful incidents of fellow countrymen peeing on their fellow passengers while flying, I should have been a little more prepared before I ventured on my air travel. The wife was the first to wave me goodbye with just one hand, the other carried a parting gift for me. “It’s not eats!” she whispered, “But diapers!”

The security at the airport gate looked at me, then spoke into his phone while looking at me and my diaper packet. I knew intuitively I was a marked man.

“Sir,” said the lady at the counter, scowling, “If you are carrying your certificate with you then you can skip the test! “It’s a mandatory eye test sir, to see whether you can differentiate between a toilet and a passenger!”

“Ofcourse I can,” I said, “You think I’m blind? I can easily make out you are a human being not a toilet!”

The girl at the check-in counter seemed convinced my eyesight was good enough and directed me to proceed. I decided to call my ophthalmologist and congratulate him on keeping my eyes in perfect condition. I pulled out my phone, when I heard a voice next to me saying, “Don’t!”

“Why?” I asked the man next to me in the waiting area.

“That little bit of radiation from your phone could excite your bladder!”

The cabins were dimly lit as the other passengers and I were herded into the aircraft, “Hello!” I said to the American lady next to my seat, who let out a scream on seeing my face, one, which made the pilot and copilot rush out of the cockpit down the aisle and pin me down, “Did he?” asked the co-pilot.

“I’m not sure,” said the lady, touching her seat.

“Look,” I said, trying to get out of the pilot’s firm grasp, “All I said was hello!”

“May I call your wife on your phone?” asked the pilot.

“Sure,” I said, dialing her number and giving the phone to him. “Hello!” said the pilot, “This is the pilot speaking. “Is everything alright?” asked my wife, “I hope he is using the diaper I gave him. Please don’t arrest him sir, he’s a good man, and doesn’t normally do things like this!”

“Why was I targeted?” I yelled in utter dismay as I was offloaded, and I hear actor Satish Shah retort to the racists in Heathrow airport, who had whispered, “how can they afford 1st class?”

“Because we are Indians”, replied Shah, “because we are Indians!”

“True!” I say bitterly, “Very true!”

I shake my head in shame as I hear my wife ask, “You think we should buy these pampers wholesale? Now that you’ve been blacklisted, train journeys are much longer and today’s newspaper says that Peegate has now started on trains too!. You may need more of them!”

I scream silently..!

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