Around where I live the temperature has climbed to forty-two degrees centigrade. Forty two. The kind of temperature where the sun does not merely shine. It interrogates you.
You step outside for three minutes and return looking like a man who has just completed a marathon in a pressure cooker.
The crows are panting, the dogs are lying flat like melted carpets, and even the neighbourhood cats have given up all ambition.
But the real heat wave is not outside.
It is inside human heads.
Across the world, leaders are becoming hotter than the weather. Nations are shouting at each other. Missiles are being discussed with the enthusiasm normally reserved for cricket commentary. Television anchors are waving their hands like orchestra conductors who have misplaced their orchestra.
If things continue like this, we may not just have a heat wave. We may have a global barbecue.
Which is why I have a very practical solution.
Greenland.
Yes, Greenland.
The United Nations should immediately take over Greenland and convert it into the world’s official Cooling Centre for Leaders.
The idea is simple. Every time two leaders begin shouting at each other, the UN secretary general should blow a whistle and say, “Gentlemen and ladies, please board the bus.”
Destination: Greenland.
Once they arrive there they will be asked to step outside without their heated speeches and political advisers. Just them and a little Arctic breeze.
Within five minutes the same leader who was threatening military action will be searching for a sweater.
Within ten minutes he will be asking the other leader politely, “Do you perhaps have an extra pair of gloves?”
Suddenly peace talks will begin.
Not because of diplomacy.
Because nobody wants to argue when their nose is freezing.
Greenland, by the way, is not some empty ice cube floating in the ocean. It is an autonomous territory connected to Denmark and has become geopolitically important in recent years, with several powers showing interest in the island because of its strategic Arctic location. Which makes it the perfect neutral ground.
Imagine the headlines.
“World Leaders Meet in Greenland to Cool Off.”
No shouting. No table banging. Just a group of powerful people wrapped in thick jackets quietly discussing peace while sipping hot chocolate.
History has shown us what happens when tempers are not cooled. Hiroshima and Nagasaki remind us that human anger, when mixed with power, can burn cities and generations.
Today our planet again feels like a frying pan. Leaders speak in angry sentences. Citizens cheer their anger. Television debates add petrol to the fire.
But perhaps what the world needs is not another summit in a luxurious hotel.
What the world needs is a little ice.
So I humbly suggest that the United Nations begin negotiations immediately and acquire Greenland, as a giant global cooling system.
Because when the planet’s leaders cool down, the rest of the world might finally stop sweating..!