Two days ago, while having my morning coffee, listening to the birds and flipping through the newspaper with one hand I nearly spat the hot brew on the crossword puzzle. A full-page article—yes, not an ad for designer tiles or discount flats—boldly proclaimed that builders in Mumbai were requesting the government to lower bribes!
Imagine that! Not tax rebates, not interest subsidies. No sir, just a humble plea: “Kindly reduce the bribe rates!”
I could almost picture the scene at Mantralaya. A harried junior engineer running up to his superior, a newspaper clutched like a hot dosa, stammering, “Sir, we’ve been exposed!”
“Relax,” says the boss, as cool as his paan-stained mouth, “Let’s lower the bribe… but introduce a new one. Something innovative… like ‘air around the building’ fees!”
Why not? We’ve already paid for the ‘Fifth Floor Approval’, the ‘Lift Shaft Permission’, the ‘Side Wall Clearance’, and even the ‘Shadow of the Building won’t fall on the MLA’s nephew’s balcony’ tax. So what’s a little extra for the air we breathe—or don’t?
But here’s the killer punch, dear reader. Who pays for all this? The builder? Don’t be naïve. He simply adds it to the cost of your flat. So when you’re haggling over the price of that 2BHK with a “temple view” that actually faces a hoarding of a political candidate doing namaste, remember—you’re also paying for someone’s son’s Mercedes, someone’s niece’s MBA in Boston, and someone’s wife’s kitty party.
And the funniest part? No one’s denying it! The builders have publicly stated how much they pay to how many departments. That’s right. Corruption is now itemised! You’d think the next step is an app: “BribePal—Pay Instantly, Approve Swiftly!”
In a civilised country, the political class would have choked on their subsidised lunch and ordered an inquiry. But not here. Instead, they’re busy ordering the CBI to investigate the Opposition for owning more than three pens or watching a documentary from the BBC. Priorities, after all.
The real culprits, ladies and gentlemen, are not hiding behind party flags. They are sitting in air-conditioned government offices, beneath photos of Mahatma Gandhi, while inventing creative ways to bypass the very ideals the Mahatma stood for.
And what do we do? We post memes. We joke. We laugh. And then we pay. Quietly. Silently. Systematically.
Maybe it’s time we stop telling builders to ask the government to lower the bribe rate and instead demand that the government exterminate it—yes, with the same surgical precision and rabid enthusiasm they reserve for bulldozing dissent, demolishing homes of protestors, or rewriting history textbooks.
Imagine—just imagine—a country where permissions are earned by merit, not measured by how thick the envelope is.
And don’t forget, if as usual you sit quietly, laugh at this article and don’t do anything, you may soon be paying a “Sunlight Entry Fee” because the flat you buy gets sunlight for 5 minutes a day…!