When I heard that the bank strike had been called off, I wondered what would have happened if it had gone ahead.
I haven’t visited my bank in months. But, it visits me several times a day, usually to announce that I have spent money. The woman inside my phone says, “Your payment of rupees five hundred has been successful,” in a voice so soothing that I briefly forget the five hundred was mine.
Would she have gone on strike too?
I pictured her putting down her microphone and joining a protest outside the bank. “Let customers face their balances alone.” her placard would say.
That would have been devastating. How would I know whether I had paid for lunch? The waiter standing beside me, staring at his phone, might offer a clue, but could I trust a man who had just charged me extra for onions?
Perhaps the bank’s messages would have stopped altogether. For three wonderful days, I could have lived without being told that my balance was lower than it was yesterday. By Wednesday, I might have felt rich enough to order dessert.
Then I remembered that banks are cleverer than that. Even when their employees take a holiday, their computers keep working. My money would still leave my account. The soothing voice would still congratulate me. Only the person I needed when something went wrong would be unavailable.
“What if I send money to the wrong person?” I asked my phone.
It offered me a loan.
“What if someone takes money from my account?”
It offered me a larger loan.
“What if I can’t repay it?”
It showed me an advertisement for a holiday in Switzerland.
I began to understand why banks employ human beings. Computers never panic on your behalf.
I imagined going to my branch during the strike. The doors would be shut, but my phone would greet me warmly. “Welcome to your bank,” it would say.
“I am standing outside it.”
“We are delighted to serve you.”
“The door is locked.”
“Would you like to rate your experience?”
I would give it one star. My phone would thank me for my valuable feedback and ask whether I wished to recommend the bank to a friend.
Fortunately, the strike has been called off. And we may all never find out how it affects us. Maybe the bank employees didn’t want us to find out that they could go on strike forever, and they would not be missed.
Anyway I would probably have noticed nothing. My phone would still have shown my money disappearing, and the cheerful woman would still have told me how successfully I had spent it.
Perhaps next time the bank staff could take her on strike with them…!