India is currently facing a crisis of great national importance. Not inflation, not unemployment, not even potholes that could qualify as inland seas. No, our greatest dilemma today is deciding whether we support the United States or Iran.
And like all serious national decisions, this one is being taken very scientifically.
I have been observing the process closely. It is fascinating. People who could not locate Iran on a map last week are now speaking with deep authority about geopolitics. They are using words like strategy, sovereignty and missile trajectory, all while forwarding videos that begin with “Shocking truth they don’t want you to know.”
The real deciding factor, however, is not international policy.
It is personal experience.
If your son is happily settled in New Jersey, earning in dollars and sending pictures with a smiling Labrador, then naturally America is a beacon of democracy and freedom. You will defend it passionately, especially after converting dollars into rupees.
But if your cousin went to Chicago and came back complaining that nobody understood his English and everybody spoke too fast, then suddenly America becomes an oppressive, arrogant nation that needs to be taught a lesson. At this point, Iran begins to look extremely attractive.
This is what I call emotional foreign policy.
What is even more interesting is the speed of transformation. Yesterday, people were discussing Iran with concern, particularly about its strict rules and treatment of women. Today, the same people are watching missile launches like it is an IPL match.
“Very good shot,” someone said next to me, as if Iran had just hit a six over long on.
I wanted to ask him if he knew anything about the country he was cheering for, but I realised that knowledge would only complicate matters. Ignorance, on the other hand, allows for great enthusiasm.
Meanwhile, our Foreign Minister must be going through his own crisis. I imagine him sitting with his mobile phone, scrolling through contacts.
“USA,” he murmurs, then pauses.
“Iran,” he says, then pauses again.
Finally, like the rest of us, he probably opens his family WhatsApp group to see what the consensus is before making a call.
The truth is, we are not confused about geopolitics. We are simply reacting to personal stories, accents, and the occasional rude immigration officer.
Foreign policy, in our country, is not decided by strategy. It is decided by how somebody or somebody’s nephew was treated at the airport.
And until we learn to separate personal hurt from national interest, we will continue to cheer for countries the same way we cheer for cricket teams. Loudly, emotionally, and with absolutely no understanding of the rules.
Which explains why, at the moment, a few petrol barrels from either America or Iran may change our national views radically…!